The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize