You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
