Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
