I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
