why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
