hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
