How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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