Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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