well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
