you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
