There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
