So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
