Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
