he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
