I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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