John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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