The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
