I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
