i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize