at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just invented taco cereal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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