Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
