Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
