My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's an acceptable place to lick
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
