I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
