Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
