Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
