I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
