I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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