Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
