the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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