Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
