I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You took a bar mat shot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
