Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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