The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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