how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
