Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
