Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize