Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
