What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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