Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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