I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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