and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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