happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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