In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
