So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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