i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet