Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?