So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.