Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
