we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux