You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
