i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
