Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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