your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
