omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
