I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
