Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
