Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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