i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
