we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
