somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come on in and take your pants off
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