Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
