Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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