tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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