I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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