fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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