I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
