one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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