i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
