paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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