I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
