Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
