I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
