He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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