i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
