My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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