12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
