Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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