Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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