i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
