Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
