Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
