The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
