They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You took a bar mat shot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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