I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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