You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
