In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
