you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
