Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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