What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
